—John Updike, WD.
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People often ask me if Michael Priv is an actual person. That is silly. Of course not. Michael Priv is simply the stuff of which legends are made. No such person ever existed. And I want that communicated to the IRS and all my creditors in no uncertain terms.
However, if Michael Priv were a real person, what would he be like? Ruggedly handsome, over seven feet tall, with a full head of hair, no doubt, athletic in stature, a man marked by the hand of God. Humanoids of the fair sex would frequently faint in his presence, overwhelmed in equal measure by his animal magnetism and erudite sophistication. Small rodents with large, expressive eyes would be known to gather around, whenever he walked down the street.
With the list of accolades and fellowships in prestigious universities over eight feet long, single spaced, would that really matter that Michael Priv was hypothetically born in the Soviet Ukraine quite a long time ago? Would that make any difference to his countless admirers that he supposedly graduated University of Pittsburgh, PA, as a Civil Engineer to then become a construction estimator and an expert in spirituality and healing? It is our belief that had that legendary persona really existed, it would have made millions of Michael’s ecstatic supporters happy to know that he wrote novels and short stories and went to become the best known writer in his entire household in San Leandro, CA, where he, the Legend, may have been hypothetically residing with his wife Olga and their pitbull mix Samantha, the Good Girl, as well as anybody else who’d fly in.